Are you pregnant?

Grandma to cashier at department store: "aww how far along are you?"

Me: absolute terror as I watch the train wreck that is about to happen. This lady is clearly not pregnant, just overweight.

Cashier: I am seven months along

Grandma: On a busy day like today, they should pull up a chair for you, so you can get off your feet!

Me: pshew! That was a close call!

This was my first run in with the terror that comes from this kind of loaded question. Let's fast forward a few years......

Ever since I was in my late teens total strangers and sometimes acquaintances will ask me if I a

m pregnant. I have been all size ranges from 4-12  and it doesn't seem to matter how much I weigh, or how big around my middle section is. Surprisingly, when I was thin I used to get the question much more often.

After the first few embarrassing and hurtful mistakes I started getting used to it, and it didn't bother me so much. I have never been a clingy shirt person, and apparently if I wear a flowy shirt it means I'm pregnant. Of course the person asking this diabolical question is embarrassed, especially since they decided to take it a step further and caress my stinkin stomach. I'm a hair stylist for a living and the most common offenders are clients. They are probably afraid that I'm going to butcher their hair as payback for their offensive mistake. My tip and future relationship with this client is hanging in the balance. The reality of it, and my go to response to put people at ease is, "I have these skinny ass arms and legs, which doesn't do anything to help me look less chunk." 

After being diagnosed with Pulmonary hypertension that changed for a while. You see PH puts extra stress on the heart, as does pregnancy. Most often times a patient's heart cannot cope with the extra fluid pushed through the body and the heart at birth. I was given a guesstimate, that I would have a 25% chance of death if I had a child. The doctor also informed me that if I made it through birth, I could still suddenly die a few months to a year later. That is too high a percentage for my liking, and I would never want to leave my children without a mother.

After diagnosis when people asked me if I was pregnant I would feel bitter. Who they hell are they to ask me such a personal question? Screw the awkwardness and your feelings - I would respond "no, I can't have children" with a sour taste in my mouth. I didn't care how awkward it was after that, they shouldn't have been dumb enough to ask such a loaded question. I never NEVER ask this question to anyone. It doesn't matter how obviously pregnant they are, if they want to talk about it they will bring it up.  Sometimes the pregnancy isn't considered the miracle that everyone thinks it should be, in fact it could be traumatic for that woman. And do we ever think that a pregnant woman may just want to not be asked 20 million personal questions about her baby and impending motherhood? That they may just want a little break from all that?

Anywho after a few years I have been able to put the bitterness aside, and now I realize that I have the opportunity to use this ridiculous question as a learning experience... for them anyways. In fact, I typically do the same thing when people ask me how many children I have -like every freakin day. I let them know that I can't have children, then I explain why and educate them about PH. Besides, since I don't actually have to worry about a biological clock ticking, I have more time to travel and have fun before I tie myself down with children. I'm not sure why people seem to think when you hit a certain age you need to have kids, but I have dogs - and most of the time they are so much work, that I am actually ok with not being able to have a gaggle of children.  

Honestly though, I don't care how pregnant she is, never ask a woman - especially if you don't know them, if they are pregnant. You don't know what they are going through, if they want to talk about it trust me, they will!